I Hope Sean Avery Is Okay

I feel bad now, as I, along with many Penguins fans I'm sure, had some pretty nasty things to say about Rangers forward/agitator Sean Avery the past few days - We know Joe Starkey did. It appears that Avery is now in a New York Hospital with what's reported to be a lacerated spleen. I'm no doctor, but I don't think that's a good thing.

Seriously, I hope he's okay. I only wanted to see him lose a tooth or something.



Edit: It appears the first reports were a little over the top in dealing with the severity of the injury. Even so, I still hope the guy is okay. Lacerated spleen still sounds bad.

That's Three

New York Rangers goalie Henrik Lundqvist guarantees a win, and gives up five goals on 17 shots.

It wasn't the Penguins best game of the playoffs, in fact, it was probably their worst...actually, I think it was their worst, but it doesn't really matter now because the W is all that matters.

Still, some better defensive play 5-on-5 would be nice, and not taking stupid, undisciplined penalties would help things as well.

Oh, and hey, Ron Cook, Marian Hossa thinks you're an idiot.

Rounding Out The Rest Of The Steelers Draft; Dennis Dixon? Really?

Now that I've effectively wasted an entire weekend, watching a bunch of guys on TV sit at a table and discuss how 252 young men are going to impact the NFL -- with a little playoff hockey thrown in for fun, fuck you, Sean Avery -- it's time to look back on what all went down.

First, the rest of the Steelers day two picks, rounds 4-7:


Fourth Round, No. 130 overall, Tony Hills, Offensive Tackle, Texas.




- An offensive lineman! Yes! Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! Two year starter at Texas, plays Left Tackle. Those are good things. Has some injury history. That's bad.


Fifth Round, No. 156 Overall, Quarterback, Dennis Dixon, Oregon


- *Scratches head*

Honestly, I'm not surprised the Steelers took a flier on a late-round Quarterback, because after all, Charlie Batch isn't going to play forever. Having a nice developmental project to groom as the eventual backup wouldn't be a bad idea. But Dixon? I mean, he's a ridiculous athlete and was a great, great player at Oregon. But really? Dennis Dixon? No shit? Is he even going to play quarterback? The must puzzling pick of the day. If nothing else, he'll make those pre-season games somewhat exciting in the third and fourth quarters.

Dude. Can. Run.


Sixth Round, No. 188 Overall, Outside Linebacker, Mike Humpal, Iowa



- The most interesting thing I've seen on Mike Humpal, from Neal Coolong at Die Hard Steel, posted at Heels Sox & Steelers.

This is a great selection for me, personally. I used to write for a newspaper in Iowa, and I covered Mike when he was a senior at New Hampton High School. He was a stud wrestler, too, and once, he pinned the Heavyweight of the high school I covered. He pinned a lot of people, but I think he was the only wrestler I ever saw pin a guy by sitting on his face.

No, I’m not making this up. Ass square on the kid’s face.

As Humpal sat on the kid’s face, he pinned the kid’s shoulders under his knees, and patted the kid’s stomach like a bongo drum. He couldn’t move his arms to tap out or anything, so as he was getting a noseful of Humpal’s ass, he was humiliated even more by having his ample belly played like an instrument.

While I felt like throwing up, the crowd was throwing things at him, and booed mightily. Humpal was suspended for one match.

Small, small world…

I'll tell you what, I really like this kids tenacity and willingness to do whatever it takes to get the job done. Hopefully he uses the same strategy in a game against Baltimore this year, perhaps against Haloti Ngata during the pre-game warm-ups or something.


Sixth Round, No. 194, Safety, Ryan Mundy, West Virginia


- Local kid, part of the seemingly endless pipeline of football talent that runs directly from Woodland Hills High School to the University of Michigan. Eventually transferred to West Virginia, taken by his hometown team in the sixth round.

The Steelers gained the pick by trading down in the fourth round with the New York Giants.

---

While it's somewhat of a letdown the Steelers couldn't better address their biggest need at offensive line (or defensive line, for that matter), it's not all bad. After all, as I said yesterday, there wasn't much the Steelers could do about the run on first round lineman, and once teams started trading first and second rounders for the right to pick Jeff Otah and Sam Baker, the Steelers' chances of improving their line for this season, this weekend, were pretty much gone. Unless you value Sam Baker that highly. Which, apparently, the Atlanta Falcons do.

Either way, the offensive line wasn't going to be completely rectified this weekend, and neither were all of the other holes that existed on this team. And other holes did exist. So in that sense, I'm glad they went with what appeared to be the best player approach in just about every round. Even if it means ending up with Dennis Dixon.

Really?

I'm not going to give out "grades" -- because that's stupid -- but I do like the Mendenhall and Sweed picks. "Tremendous value," as Mel Kiper Jr. would say. I like the fact Bruce Davis was extremely productive at a major college program in a major conference. I like that Mike Humpal sits on people and plays their bellies like a bongo drum.

I'm confused by Dennis Dixon.

Other observations from the weekend:

- According to Steve Young, Matt Ryan is the only person that will be playing quarterback at the college level for the next 15 years and because of that, the Atlanta Falcons ABSOLUTELY, POSITIVELY, WITHOUT QUESTION HAD TO TAKE HIM AT ALL COSTS! Really. The other popular opinion seemed to be that Atlanta had to take Matt Ryan to "turn the page on the Michael Vick situation." I'm not sure what that means, but if the coverage this weekend is any indicator, taking Matt Ryan won't stop people from talking about Michael Vick.

- When the Bengals pick came up, and the selection of Linebacker Keith Rivers was announced, ESPN went to a live shot of the Bengals draft day part in Cincinnati. If I didn't know any better, I'd say the "party" was held at a local McDonalds and attended by about 14 people. The pick was greeted with what appeared to be a nice, healthy yawn.

- I'm still amazed that Joe Flacco, a guy who couldn't beat out Tyler Palko at Pitt, is now a top-20 NFL pick and being counted on to be the man for the Baltimore Ravens. I had to chuckle a bit when discussing Flacco, Mel Kiper and Chris Mortensen were raving about his arm strength and how effortless it is for him to launch the ball down field. The phrases, "flick of a wrist," "the ball explodes out of his hand," and "great arm strength" were bandied about. It almost sounded like they were discussing Kyle Boller. If only Joe Flacco could throw the ball 60 yards from his knees the Ravens would be set. Those guys are incredible talent evaluators at 21 positions on the football field.

- Somewhere around the second round, the Detroit Lions took a linebacker from Colorado, Jordan Dizon, and I think it was Chris Mortensen that said, "This is a classic Matt Millen pick." I have to assume that, when translated into football speak, that means "This is an awful, awful pick that has no chance of ever working out."

- ESPN's draft coverage is terrible. I mean, there's only so many things you can do to make this thing watchable, but ESPN isn't doing any of them. Teams are picking, and they're talking about Chad Johnson and Jason Taylor. Trades are being made, and they're talking about Adam "Pacman" Jones. I think every Steelers pick was made during a commercial break.

I think the best part of the coverage was the three hours I was watching the Penguins game and getting hourly updates online.

- Someone needs to tell John Harris that Willie Parker isn't going away.

- Pitt had two offensive lineman go in the first 100 picks and missed having Mr. Irrelevant by one pick.

That's Two

Marc-Andre Fleury helps to steal a 2-0 win, Jordan Staal gets credit for the game-winner, and Sean Avery turtles in the corner at the end of the game as he almost gets eaten alive by Hal Gill and Georges Laraque.

Just another day in the NHL playoffs......

Steelers Select Defensive End, Bruce Davis, With No. 88 Overall Pick

While he's listed as a Defensive End, he's going to play outside linebacker for the Steelers. Don't know much about him other than the fact he put up a lot of sacks at UCLA and appears to be relatively insane. That fits in well with Steelers outside linebackers of years past.

Recorded 24.5 sacks and 27.5 tackles for loss the last two seasons at UCLA, so he was an extremely productive player in college. Not sure how much that means going forward, but it's always better to see a guy that played well in college as opposed to workout warrior that runs 4.1 40's and never did anything in college (ie: Justin King). I think.

Steelers Select Wide Receiver, Limas Sweed, With No. 53 Overall Pick

In the second round, the Steelers once again went with what appears to be the best player available strategy as they came away with Wide Receiver Limas Sweed from Texas. And in news that should surely make Ben Roethlisberger happy, Sweed is 6-foot-4.

While this is another best player pick, it also fills a position that very quietly, and quickly it seems, turned into a need. Maybe not quite a need on the level of offensive line or defensive line, but a position that was beginning to lack quality depth and potential long-term replacements as starters.

Looking at the Steelers' current group of receivers the only guy that appears to be a lock to be playing for the Steelers in two years is Santonio Holmes. Consider the other guys......

- Hines Ward is 32 and has seen his production drop quite steadily in recent years. His yardage totals have gone down for five straight years, while his reception numbers have gone from a top-tier 95-100 per season, to a solid 70-75. He's also been appearing on the injury report a touch more.

- Nate Washington is hit-or-miss, displaying flashes of brilliance with moments of complete incompetence. Never caught more than 35 passes in a single season.

- Dallas Baker. Big guy, young, major question mark. Never played a down in the NFL.

- Cedric Wilson: Gone.

Currently, the only other receivers listed on the roster are former Olympic skier Jeremy Bloom and two guys named Matt Trannon and Gerran Walker. All three of those players are likely to be nothing more than tackling dummies in camp.

Interesting first day.

Steelers Select Running Back, Rashard Mendenhall, With No. 23 Overall Pick

On the list of Steelers real, honest to goodness, dire needs, running back was probably pretty far down the list, with the offensive line coming in spots one through five. Trouble is, by the time the Steelers pick came up at No. 23 in the first round, every legitimate first round value -- and one or two second round values -- was already gone.

So, what do the Steelers do? Take the best player available, naturally, and I have no problem with that. In fact, I fully support it.

Normally I'm not a fan of the the running back in round one strategy -- and you may have heard that the Steelers haven't gone that route since 1989 -- but in this situation it works for me.

In a perfect world the Steelers would have come away with a left tackle to protect Ben's blind side, or a guard to replace Alan Faneca, but if no such player exists at that spot, take the value while it's there. Don't panic and take Troy Edwards over Jevon Kearse.

There's nothing the Steelers could do about the incredible run on offensive lineman in the middle of the first round, and the price to move up was bordering on lunacy. The Panthers and Falcons were giving up the proverbial dump truck full of picks to select the sixth and seventh best lineman in the draft. That's not worth it, especially when the Steelers opened the weekend with only six picks.

It's not the ideal pick in a perfect world, but I like it considering the circumstances.

That's One

Insanity. Complete insanity.

I need a drink.

The Penguins played the first 20 minutes as if they were trying to skate through quick sand. They fell behind 3-0 early in the second period, and then went crazy, scoring two goals in 14 seconds in the second, and then two more in 20 seconds during the third to take a 4-3 lead. Scott Gomez ripped a one-timer behind Marc-Andre Fleury to tie it with about 10 minutes remaining as it appeared the game was going to overtime.

That is, until former Penguin Martin Straka (really, the whole Rangers team is former Penguins) took an interference penalty in the neutral zone with just over three minutes remaining, which led to Evgeni Malkin's shin scoring the game-winner with roughly a minute-and-a-half to play.

Just to make sure I shit my pants before the final horn sounded, Jaromir Jagr re-directed a shot off the goal post with 14 seconds remaining and some guy, I'm not sure who, I was too busy shitting my pants, fired the rebound over the crossbar into the corner.

Insanity.

Couple things:

- "Whiteouts" are dumb unless you're a fan of the Winnipeg Jets. And since the Winnipeg Jets are no more, "whiteouts" are dumb. They're even dumber when the fans in the arena are dressed in white, and the home team is skating in their dark jerseys.

- The Penguins third goal of the night was from Marian Hossa, who innocently fired the puck at the front of the net from a ridiculous angle and watched as it bounced off an assortment of players into the back of the net. It reminded me of the type of goals Mario Lemiuex used to score with regularity.

- With Jarkko Ruutu and Sean Avery on the ice in the same game, I think the NHL has reached it's douchebag quota for one game.

- A lot of people, especially the VS crew, have been spending a great deal of time talking about how the nine day break between games might effect the Penguins. I'm not sure how this is any different than the Rangers having a seven day break between games, a fact almost no one is talking about. Bottom line: It doesn't matter.

Pirates Baseball: Plenty Of Good Seats Still Available

Apparently Pirates fans aren't entirely captivated by the 2008 club. At least not yet.

I'm sitting here watching the Pirates-Cardinals game, and not counting the ushers, screaming beer guy, and handful of people adorned in Cardinal red, I'd venture a guess that there's about 46 people in attendance. I'm not kidding when I say there isn't a single person sitting from third base to the left field corner. Empty seats as far as the eye can see.

I know it's early, school is still in session, and April weather in Pittsburgh can be hit-or-miss, but the Pirates currently have the lowest average attendance in Major League Baseball. Yes. Even worse than the Florida Marlins.

After 9 home dates the Pirates are averaging just around 14,400 fans per game. And that includes the standing room only sell out on opening day, which packed in over 38,000.

For comparisons sake:

- 29 of the 30 NHL teams averaged more fans per home game than the Pirates currently are during the 2008 season. The only NHL team to average fewer fans than the Pirates was the New York Islanders.

- Currently six Arena Football League teams are passing more people through the turnstiles than the Pirates are. The. Arena. Foot. Ball. League. I don't care how early it is in the season, when you're a Major League Baseball team and the Chicago Rush are averaging more fans than you, well, there's something very, very wrong.

- Aside from having the lowest average attendance, PNC Park is only 37% full during the average home game, also the lowest number in the league. What makes that number even more incredible is the fact PNC Park is one of the smallest stadiums in baseball.

Pirates baseball: Catch it.

Round Two Matchup: The Rangers It Is

Thanks to Joffrey Lupul's overtime goal in game 7 of the Capitals-Flyers series, the Penguins will get a second round meeting with the New York Rangers. Radical. Although, the thought of seeing Sean Avery for what could be seven consecutive games isn't all that exciting.

After 17 Games Matt Morris Has A Higher OPS Than Our Starting First Baseman

Adam Laroche, you stink.

Sincerely,

Kevin Young

Celebrating The Absurdity Of 15 Years Of Losing Baseball

A totally pointless, completely worthless, and absolutely ridiculous exercise examining professional baseball, position-by-position, in Pittsburgh: The dark years, where disappointment and unintentional hilarity have reigned supreme.

Catcher - Benito Santiago. Only played six games with the Pirates, registering 23 at-bats during the 2005 season. The first replacement for Jason Kendall, hit .261 and was 40 years old on opening day, looked to be 400 years old. Later linked to steroids. Followed at the position by Ronny Paulino for two uninspiring, lazy years. Later linked to Pizza Hut's all you can eat $5.99 lunch buffet. Three times a day. Every day.




First Base - Ron Wright. Acquired in the Denny Neagle trade during the 1996 season, considered to be the prize of the deal as a power-hitting, shit-stomping, ass-kicking franchise first baseman with "light tower power" that was going to be one of the core building blocks to then General Manager Cam Bonifay's five-year plan that would eventually return the Pirates to dominance and glory. Suffered a series of injuries in the Minor Leagues and never played a game with the Pirates. Bounced around the minors for a few years before finally getting called up for the Seattle Mariners in 2002. He had three at-bats on April 14 in a game against the Texas Rangers.

In his first big league at-bat in the top of the second inning, Wright struck out looking.

In his second big league at-bat in the top of the fourth inning, Wright hit into a triple play.

In his third, and final, big league at-bat in the top of the sixth inning, Wright hit into a double play.

In his one game, in three at-bats, he accounted for six of his teams 27 outs. It's a wonder how he didn't do it for the Pirates. He never played again in the Major Leagues.

Honorable mention: Randall Simon. Infamously smacked a Milwaukee Sausage with his bat as it raced by him while he was sitting on the bench. Was re-signed by the Pirates after failing miserably his first time with the team.


Second Base - Carlos Garcia. Perhaps the worst All-Star ever, in what was perhaps one of the greatest All-Star game ever. It's not really surprising that this was one of the best baseball games the city of Pittsburgh has seen during the dark years. Garcia ended his All-Star season with a .267 average, .309 On-Base Percentage and a .367 Slugging Percentage. Statistically, he was the worst every day player on the 1994 Pirates. Later traded in a monster, mega deal (along with Orlando Merced and Dan Plesac) to the Toronto Blue Jays for six minor leaguers who, along with Ron Wright, were going to help turn the Pirates into contenders by 2002.




Shortstop - Pat Meares. Signed as a free agent by the Pirates before the 1999 season after playing six seasons with the Minnesota Twins. Never had an OPS+ over 100 (100 being an average hitter in a given season) in any season. Originally was signed to a one-year deal, but when he arrived at spring training he hit the ball all over the field, with power, and impressed General Manager Cam Bonifay so much, that Bonifay was willing to ignore six years of mediocrity and sign Meares to a 4-year, $12 million contract. Meares ended up suffering a major injury to his hand and suddenly became even worse at the plate and in the field. Allegedly a prominent member of the Giles/Kendall/Williams clique and rumors began to surface that when Meares was essentially banished from the team, a Pat Meares shrine was (allegedly) erected in the clubhouse to send some sort of message to management. Unless that message was, "We demand more mediocre, overpaid, douche bags" it was pretty pointless. Assuming it happened.




Third Base - Joe Randa. Perhaps the finest example of the dark years, and a testament to everything that has gone wrong over the past 15 seasons.

Nothing against Joe Randa, he always seemed like a nice enough guy, always had a smile on his face, and seemed to just really enjoy being a big league baseball player. And for a brief period of time, he wasn't half bad. So, what's the problem? Well...

After the 1996 season the Pirates acquired Randa, along with pitchers Jeff Granger and Jeff Wallace (guys who were also going to return the Pirates to championship contenders in 2002) for Jeff King and Jay Bell, the teams two best players. Randa was a 26-year old third baseman while Wallace and Granger were young, flame throwing horses that were going to anchor the Pirates pitching staff for decades to come. The two pitchers fizzled out, while Randa started at third base for the 1997 "Freak Show" team that almost miraculously won the National League Central (which even then was a laughing stock). Randa was a fan favorite that season, hitting over .300 with a fine On-Base Percentage and nine triples. He was never going to be the future of the position, he was simply a place-holder until hot-shot prospect Aramis Ramirez could take over the position.

For reasons that defy all logic, Cam Bonifay left Randa unprotected in the following off-seasons expansion draft and helplessly watched as Randa was selected by the Arizona Diamondbacks, leaving the Pirates with a black hole at the third base position. This then resulted in Ramirez being rushed to the Majors during the 1998 season, and struggling terribly for parts of three seasons. He looked as if he were going to be a terrible, epic bust, and was then traded to the Chicago Cubs for spare parts, again leaving the Pirates with another glaring hole at third base. As this hole still remained years later, the Pirates signed a 36-year old -- and completely washed up -- Joe Randa prior to the 2006 season to man the third base position, thus relegating Freddy Sanchez to bench duty. Randa hit .267 in 260 at-bats. Freddy Sanchez won the National League batting title.

Joe Randa...full circle with the Pirates.


The outfield...so many choices, so few spots:

Left Field - Derek Bell. Signed by the Pirates prior to the 2001 season to a mind blowing contract that was going to pay him $5 million per season, for two years. The deal was insane because (1) Derek Bell wasn't that good (2) Derek Bell was washed up (3) the Pirates had a far more productive player already on the roster in John Vander Wal. Manager Lloyd McClendon made his infamous, "This move sent shockwaves through baseball" quote, and handed Bell the outfield spot that should have gone to Vander Wal, the superior player. Bell, predictably, was terrible, and the following off-season was informed that he would not be handed a starting job and would have to earn his spot in spring training. Bell was not amused and informed the Pirates, media and fans that if he had to complete for anything that he would go into "operation shutdown." Following the tirade, he skipped out of camp on his house boat and a legend of futility was born. The joke at the time was that Bell was a real life Pirate, considering he lived on a boat and was stealing money for a living. Hit .173 with a .287 On-Base Percentage and .288 Slugging Percentage in 156 at-bats with the Pirates.



Center Field - Chad Hermansen. Originally drafted as a short stop in the first round of the 1996 draft, Hermansen became a power-hitting Center Fielder that was the very definition of a five-tool player (I think). One scout at the time said of Hermansen, "He could walk on water if he wanted to." Apparently, he didn't want to. Hermansen was one of the Pirates most disappointing prospect failures in a decade full of disappointing prospects. Hit .195 in 492 big league at-bats. Traded by the Pirates at the 2002 trade deadline for Darren Lewis. Lewis retired the next day.

Right Field - Raul Mondesi. I remember the night the Pirates signed Raul Mondesi. Fox Sports Pittsburgh announcer Greg Brown was on a local call-in show gushing about the possibility of Mondesi signing with the Pirates, talking about how his right-handed power and rifle arm would be just what the Pirates needed. I mean, it's Raul Freakin' Mondesi.

Mondesi was always seen as a malcontent and it seemed that every team he played for couldn't get rid of him fast enough. Critics of the signing wondered just what would happen when you combined the highly combustible Mondesi with a team that was destined to lose, and lose a lot. The critics, as it turned out, were spot on with their concerns.

After playing 26 forgettable games with the Pirates, Mondesi -- clearly bored with all of the losing -- left the team for what he claimed were personal reasons (something about threats from a past instructor) and his contract was essentially thrown away. Ten days later he signed with Anaheim.

Became inspiration for the fantastic Pittsburgh sports site, Mondesi's House.


Honorable mentions - Al Martin. Once lied about playing football at USC, married to multiple women at the same time without any of them knowing. Brant Brown. Outfielder who used a frying pan for a glove, acquired by Cam Bonifay for starting pitcher Jon Lieber. Not only did Bonifay trade a very good starting pitcher for the stone-handed Brown, he did so under the assumption that Brant Brown could play center field. He could not.

Starting Pitcher -Matt Morris. Currently the highest paid player on the Pirates, by a wide margin, and one of the most worthless. Acquired just minutes before the trade deadline during the 2007 season in a move that can only be described as bat shit bonkers. It's not that the Pirates gave up anything of any relevance (because they didn't) it's just that Matt Morris is finished, making a ton of money, and woefully awful. One baseball insider -- whose name I'm forgetting at the moment, I'm sorry -- said, "That deal is so out of left field it's in the Monongahela." Not only did the Pirates acquire Morris, but they took on his entire contract which had $12 million dollars remaining for just over one season of awful, awful baseball. We consider it Dave Littlefields going away present. He has no current trade value to the Pirates, unless of course, Dave Littlefield becomes General Manager of another Major League Baseball team in the very near future.

Relief Pitcher - Mike Williams. Erratic closer that racked up some impressive save numbers, despite loading the bases with no out in just about every appearance. Somehow pitched in two All-Star games as a member of the Pirates, including one season where he went into the mid-summer classic with an ERA over 5.00. Part of the infamous Brian Giles/Pat Meares clique that stole lunch money from Jack Wilson and showered naked together.



Honorable mentions - Josias Manzanillo. Maniac pitcher who pitched in two different stints with the Pirates. Would scream at himself on the mound while smacking his head before every pitch, and would then jump off the mound and sprint to the dugout when the final out of the inning was recorded, regardless of the score or situation. Age: Unknown. Estimated to be between 400 and 600. Brian Boehringer. Another psycho, kept books about serial killers in his locker and once screamed at Jack Wilson for failing to come up with a ground ball. Almost fought him in the dugout, had to be restrained by teammates. Drew the fancy of Brian Giles who once joked that he enjoyed watching Boehringer lather himself up in the shower.

Bench Coach - Jim Tracy. Out of touch manager for two pointless seasons, had a habit of answering questions from reporters during interviews and press conferences with questions of his own, that he would then ponder and answer. Example:

Reporter: Jim, what happened to Zach Duke in the fourth inning tonight?

Jim Tracy: What happened to Zach Duke tonight? Well, what happens with Zach Duke every night? Zach Duke just couldn't keep the ball down and in the zone. Does he have the ability to do that on a consistent basis? Sure. Will he do it every fifth day? I don't know. That's a good question.

According to Post-Gazette beat writer Dejean Kovacevic, Tracy had a bizarre fascination with taking his Pirates team and attempting to turn them into a recreated version of his 2003 Dodgers team. He took Jack Wilson and told him to field like Cesar Izturis (whom the Pirates later traded for, likely at Tracy's request) and told Jason Bay to decline like he was Shawn Green. Okay, I made that part up. But he did try to get Wilson to field grounders like Cesar Izturis.




Manager -Lloyd McClendon. Was convinced signing Derek Bell and Terry Mulholland in the same off-season was not only a good idea, but that Major League Baseball as a whole would be shocked by it. They were shocked all right, but for reasons that differed from McClendon's. Once proved that it was possible to steal first base. Had a series of opening day gaffes which included using Ron Villone as his opening day starting pitcher, to hitting Tike Redman third. Liked to refer to players as "bulldogs." General Manager - Dave Littlefield.

Don't tell him, but that phone's not even plugged in.

Owner - Bob Nutting.

Steelers Schedule

Earlier this week the NFL announced its schedule for the 2008 season with a significant amount of fanfare, so much so, that ESPN had a 2-hour special dedicated to the event. I love the Steelers, I really like football, but this seems to be a ridiculous amount of overkill, especially when you consider 14 of the 16 opponents are scheduled for the next 100 years, so, you know...for the most part we already knew who we were playing.

As it stands, the Steelers schedule looks brutal as every game appears to be against a Super Bowl contender. Granted, it's impossible to tell right now (trying to figure out how these teams will do now is kind of like staging a hypothetical NCAA Basketball Tournament for next season, two weeks after this season's tournament ended) but, as long as we're looking ahead, based on last years records the Steelers will play the toughest schedule in the NFL.

Joy.

If there's a silver lining, however, it's that the rest of the AFC North has to share in this difficult endeavor as well. Again, based on last years records, the four AFC North teams play the No's. 1, 5, 6 and 8 toughest schedules in the league.

It wouldn't be a shock to see nine or ten wins taking this thing again.

On the plus side, there's going to be a lot of really good games at Heinz Field this season. Hopefully we can win a few.

That's Four

I expected the Penguins to beat the Senators in this series (maybe in six games); I did not expect the Penguins to sweep the Senators.

Tremendous play all-around by the Pens, and a tip of the cap to Jarkko Ruutu for scoring the game-winning goal in game four. Unlikely goal scorers stepping up. Good stuff.

Some quick thoughts:

- It won't show up in the box scores, but Marian Hossa and Jordan Staal were absolutely phenomenal in this series. Staal played like the shutdown center the Penguins expected him to be when they took him No. 2 overall, and Marian Hossa peppered Martin Gerber with rubber from every conceivable angle while backchecking like a madman every time he stepped on the ice.

- The Senators scored five goals in four games. Jason Spezza had no goals, one assist and ten shots on goal (I think Hossa matched that shot total in two periods in game four). Dany Heatley had no goals, one assist and nine shots on goal. Antonie Vermette had no goals, no assists and nine shots on goal. That's shutdown, playoff hockey.

- One guy for Ottawa who was stellar in the series, however, was goalie Martin Gerber. It's not his fault his team lost.

- Jordan Staal was 53% in faceoffs during the series. By far the best on the team.

- I wasn't the biggest fan of the Hal Gill acquisition in late February, but I can eat crow...he's been rock solid after a terrible first two or three games.

That's Three

AP Photo

Marian Hossa, "the playoff choker," picks up a goal and two assists giving him six points in three playoff games.

A Rainy, Wet, Victorious Day At PNC Park

My first Pirates game of the season, and clearly, fans are in a frantic rush to see this years squad, I mean, people can hardly contain themselves with their overwhelming excitement.
Eh...maybe not.

They were great seats (free, the best kind) with one minor, almost unnoticeable exception.

WHAT THE HELL IS THAT THING? And why is it right there? Fortunately, there were about 480 people at the game, so standing up and/or moving to another seat was not a problem.

Aside from a random window in front of me, and a steady drizzle that was never heavy enough to delay the game yet still enough make it somewhat uncomfortable, it was a great game as the Pirates pounded the Reds, 9-1, to complete the three game sweep and bring the Pirates back to .500 on the season.

I never thought I'd be saying that again this season.

It was a nice win, especially when you consider the Pirates starting infield consisted of two guys who were signed as Minor League Free Agents prior to the season, a recent Triple-A call-up who still can't seem to master the short stop to first base throw, and Jose Bautista, a player who would probably be a utility player on a contending team. And they scored nine runs. I don't get it either. Crazy game, this baseball.

Tom Gorzelanney started and was charged with one run (which came across the plate after he left the game) and I'm kind of surprised at his result as he seemingly danced through the raindrops all day. Literally and figuratively.

I don't think he had one swing-and-miss all day (including the pitcher, Johnny Cueto, whom he walked) and rarely touched 90 MPH with his fast ball. He looked like the 2007 version Zach Duke out there, as he has in each of his starts this season. That's not a good thing.

Nate Mclouth extended his hit streak to 12 games with an opposite field double to start the bottom of the sixth inning. He's off to quite a start, though I noticed he plays an incredibly shallow center field and it sort of cost him late in the game when Paul Bako hit a triple over his head. Seriously, Paul Bako. Fortunately, the game was already well in hand and nobody really cared. Not that they would have cared had it mattered.

Xavier Nady hit a 2-run homer off the top of the left field wall in the sixth, while Jason Bay crushed a 3-run homer off of reliever Todd Coffey in the bottom of the seventh. Bay, by the way, looks as if he may be rebounding from his horrible 2007 season. He already has three home runs and more walks than strikeouts...and an OPS over .900.

Major points for the Beers of the Burgh stand down the first base line on the bottom level for still selling Penn Weizen. Good stuff.

Nice to see a win for once.

That's Two

AP Photo

They almost blow it, but in the end, Ryan Malone is CLUTCH.

That's One

Highlights......

- Gary Roberts scores a pair and runs over everything that gets in his way. Registers 16 penalty minutes in the third period, including two minutes for "refusal to play." I imagine that came after he took on all five Senators on the ice, and then continued to fight them as he was forced into the locker room by the refs. He's crazy for the sake of crazy. And it's great. And this damn guy is 42 years old and has played one game in the last, what, five months? Bat. Shit. Crazy.

- Ryan Whitney -- RYAN WHITNEY! -- absolutely beat the piss out of Senators defenseman Wade Redden. The Senators tried to take a shot or two at Sid, and Whitney came to his captains defense and threw down. Whitney dropped the purse, showed he had some nuts, and whaled on a completely helpless Redden. Beautiful, and credit where it's due. That's bad ass.

- Evgeni Malkin gets his first ever NHL playoff goal. Good for him.

- Dany Heatley was held to just two shots on goal in over 26 minutes of ice-time. That's fantastic.

- The much maligned Penguins penalty-kill unit was a perfect 7-for-7, including a pair of 50+ second 5-on-3 disadvantages. Radical.

Steely McBeam Arrested

Now here's something you don't see everyday.

This is just another in a line of troubled Pittsburgh sports mascots.

- First, there was that guy the Pirates hired back in the mid-90's to hang out of a makeshift crows nest along the upper deck as he dressed like a Pirate. I think he last a couple of months before being fired for swimming naked with some chick in a public pool. He later went on to star in a season of Road Rules, or Real World, or one of those crappy MTV shows that were the fathers of Reality TV. I can't remember his name. Eric, maybe?

- Iceburgh was evil in the movie Sudden Death. He tried to kill that guy, then ended up getting his ass kicked by Jon Claude Van Damme in the Civic Arena's kitchen.

- Steely McBeam's arrest for DUI.

Moral of the story: Mascots are no role models.

It Sucks Being A Pirates Fan

All sorts of shenanigans over at PNC Park today for the Pirates home opener. Basically, it was a terrible, terrible baseball game that was somehow exciting and hilarious because of the fumbling and stumbling of two supposed Major League Baseball teams (it was essentially a little league game played in front of 38,000 people).

Some stuff...

- The Pirates had two runners thrown out on the bases, walked 11 batters, threw three wild pitches and committed two errors. Most of that happened before the fourth inning started. Tom Gorzelanney looked awful, laboring through 70 pitches in three innings, while rarely topping 90 MPH and walking four batters. He looked like Zach Duke and put the Pirates into a 7-0 hole early (you could hear a "Let's Go Pens!" chant at one point)...

-...But! The Pirates battled back -- thanks to some generosity from the Cubs -- and managed to tie the game at eight, mainly because the Cubs themselves committed three errors, walked a plethora of batters and played like they were using frying pans as gloves. Seriously...this was terrible, terrible baseball and both teams deserved to lose.

- Luis Rivas made another error, failed to stop a slow roller up the middle that led to the Cubs first run (I think he dove over it) and nearly threw away a routine double play in top of the first. With runners on the corners, one out, and Aramis Ramirez at the plate...Ramirez hit a ground ball right at Rivas, who was positioned about ten feet from second base, and then uncorked a throw that bounced to second basemen Freddy Sanchez. Sanchez had to bare hand the ball on a short hop, and then make hurried, off-balance throw (that Doug Mint-Kay-Vitch had to pick at first on the short hop) to complete the double play. It should have been routine. It was ugly.

- The Pirates had a glorious opportunity to win the game in the bottom of the ninth when Ryan Doumit (who has seemingly taken over as the starting catcher, which is a good thing, until he inevitably rips his hamstring through a blender) led off with a leadoff double over center fielder Reed Johnson's head. And this is where shit became weird.

Manager John Russell lifted Doumit for a pinch-runner -- recent call-up Brian Bixler -- who advanced to third on Xavier Nady's ground out. Mint-Kay-Vitch was intentionally walked to set up the double play with Jose Bautista at the plate. Runners at the corners, one out, tie game, bottom of the ninth. Just put the ball in play and chances are the game is over, right?

Wrong.

For reasons that I will forever fail to comprehend, Jose Bautista dropped down a bunt -- a damn bunt -- that was fielded by first basemen Derek Lee who promptly tagged Bautista out, all while Bixler stood on third base with a deer in headlights look on his face. PNC Park was stunned. And when the next hitter, Luis Rivas, weakly flied out to right to end the inning, well, the fans weren't exactly amused as a chorus of boos rained down from the stands. Honestly, the game was over at this point.

- I've liked John Russell so far, but he really screwed the proverbial pooch today by lifting Jason Bay and Ryan Doumit alarmingly early in the game, and for putting his team in a position to where he had to use Rule 5 pick Evan Meek in a tie game, in extra inning. Of course, the Meek thing isn't his fault. Gorzelanney was horrible and needed to be removed when he was, and anytime you need a full game from your bullpen...well, it's not good.

Taking out Bay and Doumit, however, was boneheaded at best.

Needless to say, Meek crumbled, and crumbled badly. As soon as he came into the game a dark cloud formed, thunder rumbled from the heavens, and it began to rain cats and dogs as Meek turned into Rick Vaughn (before the glasses) as he walked five guys, uncorked a pair of wild pitches (tremendous efforts by Ronny Paulino on both pitches) and gave up two runs. He didn't give up a hit, which is fitting for the type of insanity that was on display during the game.

- The good things were Nate Mclouth and Matt Capps. Mclouth continued his early season surge by going 3-for-6 with a walk, while Matt Capps threw two scoreless innings and managed to strikeout Alfonso Soriano, Derek Lee and Aramis Ramirez in the top of the tenth inning.

- Pirates fall to 3-4, and it's not too early to start wondering if we'll ever get back to .500 this season.

Pens Lose 2-0 In Philly; Get No. 2 Seed, First Round Rematch With Ottawa

Even though there was something on the line (the No. 1 seed in the Eastern Conference) the Penguins seemed to approach it like a meaningless game as Sidney Crosby took the day off, Kris Beech skated and Gary Roberts shook off the cobwebs in his first game in months. Pens lose, get the No. 2 seed and will open up either Wednesday or Thursday night with the Ottawa Senators.

Last year in the playoffs, the Senators mopped the floor with the Penguins and while that is a concern, the two teams appear to be completely different today.

Not only are the Penguins deeper, more physical and more experienced than they were last season, the Senators have been fairly mediocre since their incredible 14-2-2 start... and now they're without their captain Daniel Alfredsson, and No. 2 center Mike Fisher, who was an absolute bitch for Crosby and Evgeni Malkin to play against in the playoffs last year.

With the way the NHL is today, there wasn't going to be an easy opening round match up, but I don't mind this one.

I Remember These Guys

A quick recap of the first two Pirates games in Florida this weekend:

- Four runners thrown out on the bases, including three in Friday nights one run loss. The first runner to be victimized was Jose Bautista who was picked off of Second base by catcher Matt Treanor in the second inning. Making it worse, one batter later Nate Mclouth doubled to left field scoring only one run, instead of the two that would have scored had Bautista not been caught sleeping. Pirates end up losing the game by one on a Mike Jacobs walk-off home run in the bottom of the ninth.

Ryan Doumit and Luis Rivas joined the fun by being thrown out at second base trying to stretch singles into doubles on Friday, while Xavier Nady was thrown out on Saturday.

- Four errors (all throwing errors) in two games. One of the errors came from pitcher Paul Maholm in the sixth inning of Saturday night's game. Maholm, who was pretty dominant for the first five innings, fumbled a comebacker to the mound, picked it up, and then proceeded to fire it into right field. Had he made the play, the sixth inning would have likely ended in a 1-2-3 manner, keeping the game tied at one. Instead, the Marlins continued to hit, eventually bringing Jacobs to the plate with the bases loaded, as he then crushed the first pitch he saw from Maholm halfway up the seats in right field, all while Pirates announcer Lanny Fraterre could be heard screaming, "NOOOO! NOOOO!" in the background.

I was horrified too.

On Friday night, in the bottom of the fouth inning, third baseman Jose Bautista and first baseman Adam Laroche managed to team up and make the always comical "Two errors on one play" play. Here is the espn.com play-by-play description:

J Willingham safe at second on throwing error by third baseman J Bautista, M Jacobs to third, M Jacobs scored, J Willingham to third on throwing error by first baseman A LaRoche.

This tied the game at four, and again, the Pirates eventually lost by one run.

- Cleanup hitter Adam Laroche is, so far, 0-for-the series and 0-for-his-last-20 on the season. Over the first two games of the series, the Pirates' No. 3 and No. 4 hitters are a combined 1-for-15 with one walk.

- Due to injuries to short stop Jack Wilson and second baseman Freddy Sanchez, the Pirates' middle infielders have been Luis Rivas and Chris Gomez. A pair of guys signed to minor league deals this off-season. Here's the really bad part: Gomez has been one of the team's most productive hitters this weekend. Ouch.

In related news, Wilson has officially been placed on the Disabled List while Brian Bixler has been recalled from Triple-A Indianapolis. As Russell tells The Post-Gazette, Bixler is going to play.

Russell said Bixler, the Pirates' top shortstop prospect who will be seeing his first major-league duty, will get the bulk of the playing time during Wilson's disabled-list time.

"We're not bringing him up here to sit him," he added.

Also, from the same article...

Also, Jason Bay and Adam LaRoche, the Pirates' struggling Nos. 3-4 hitters, will not start today.

Bay had been scheduled to have the day off, anyway.

"It's going to look like I'm doing this because of how things have gone for him," Russell said. "That's not the case."

LaRoche was given the day off because he has some "tenderness" in his right thumb, Russell said.

"He's been cheating a little on his swing," Russell said. "He tried to fight through it."

Should be interesting to see what type of lineup Russell comes up with considering Bixler will not arrive in Miami until 40-minutes before the game, while Bay, Laroche, Wilson and Sanchez are all either hurt, or given the day off. And by interesting, I of course mean Ian Snell better throw a perfect game.

Xavier Nady On Pace To Hit 162 Home Runs

Here is Post-Gazette columnist Bob Smizik lecturing on Xavier Nady and taking a dump on everyone that wanted to see Steve Pearce on the 25-man roster to start the season.

Hold that Steve Pearce thought for a moment, Pirates fans, and maybe for a few months. Maybe, in fact, for an entire season.

The outcry when the Pirates sent Pearce, their best power-hitting prospect, to the minors while in the midst of a strong spring training, was something to behold. Overlooked in the furor was the fact that in 68 at-bats with the Pirates in September, Pearce's home run total was zero.

And, oh, yes, the Pirates had a right fielder, the position the Pearce Fan Club wanted for its hero.

That right fielder would be Xavier Nady, who was doing nothing but coming off the best year of his career. The Pirates were not about to cast him aside on the basis of an outstanding minor-league season or even four spring-training home runs by Pearce.

*grunt*

Couple of things: (1) I didn't mind the Oliver Perez trade -- the one that brought Xavier Nady to the Pirates -- because I was of the opinion that Perez was a head case on the mound constantly fighting the demons in his head. I wasn't confident he would ever pitch like he did during his first full season in Pittsburgh, and I was fine with moving him. I may have been wrong about Perez in the end, but I don't fault the Pirates for trading Perez for Nady. (2) I don't mind Xavier Nady being on the team this season. He can fill a role, he can get some quality at-bats, he can help the team win 70 games instead of 68. That's fine. Well, that's fine if he were sharing at-bats with some combination of Steve Pearce, Adam Laroche or whoever, really.

But...he should not be playing with the Pirates beyond this season.

While it's true that Nady is coming off the best season of his career, it's also true that the best season of his career was the definition of mediocrity by Major League outfielder standards.

Examples:

- There were 25 Right Fielders in the Majors in 2007 who registered at least 350 plate appearances. Xaviery Nady ranked 12th among them in OPS. 22nd in On-Base Percentage. 11th in Slugging Percentage. Decent. Okay. Good....average.

Nothing more. Nothing less.

- Among outfielder as a whole (again, with at least 350 plate appearances) Nady ranked 42 out of 88 in OPS -- One spot behind Pirates Center Fielder Nate Mclouth, who aside from being a better fielder, is a better base runner, about four years younger, and a couple million dollars cheaper. Just sayin' -- 67th in On-Base Percentage. 32nd in slugging percentage.

- He is 29 years old. Not over-the-hill, but not exactly a young up-and-coming prospect full of piss and vinegar ready to take over the league. What you see is what you get. And what you see, is an average outfielder. He may not get any worse anytime soon, but he's probably not getting any better, either.

I'm not saying I want to see the Pirates ship him to a contender on the first bus out of town for a bucket of batting practice balls and assortment of magic beans. At the same time, however, the Pirates should have no thoughts of extending his contract beyond this season. Unless the Pirates ultimate goal is to be the most boring, bland, mediocre team in the history of pro sports.

Basically, Xavier Nady is the dry white toast of Major League Baseball. When you're really, really hungry, and in need of some sort of solid food to hold you over, it gets the job done. But, if you had to eat a piece of dry white toast, everyday, three times a day, you would eventually get to the point where you want to eat your big toe.

Penguins Beat Flyers, Win Division Title; Scott Hartnell Wins King Of The Dipshits Title

For 20 minutes, the Flyers rolled around the ice, ransacking the Penguins back to the 1970's with their classic Broad Street Bullies thuggish style of play. And for 20 minutes, it worked. The Penguins were off their game and struggling to keep up with the Flyers' brutal assault. Philly had a 2-1 lead after one, and looked to be controlling everything on the ice.

Then the idiots (the Flyers) started taking penalties, with Scott Hartnell leading the way. The Penguins powerplay, which had entered the game in a terrible slump, scored four goals including three on its first three shots.

Game. Set. Match.

It was quite enjoyable to see dipshit Hartnell single handily destroy the Flyers' chances of winning as he sat in the box while the Penguins filled the net behind Martin Biron. Hopefully it costs them the playoffs. Couldn't happen to a nicer bunch of douche bags.

Sidney Crosby finished with a pair of goals, including a ridiculous between-the-legs re-direction late in the third, while Evgeni Malkin and Sergei Gonchar also scored for Pittsburgh.

The Division Title is the first for the Penguins since the 1998 season, and their first ever Atlantic Division Title. I don't know what the playoffs hold for the Penguins, but anytime you can have a season where you hang a new banner in your rafters, it's a good thing.

Opening Day Thoughts

Now that I've had a chance to sleep on what exactly it was that went down in Atlanta last night, there were some good things that came out of the insanity and mayhem on display at Turner Field. Granted, the ninth inning is everything we've grown to expect from the Pirates, but we really should revel in the fact that, as of right now, we do have a winning baseball team...at least until Wednesday. So, hurray for first place.

- If John Russell manages, and fills out his lineup card, like he did last night, then he's not going to suck. Not at all. That lineup was as good a lineup one could possibly construct given the resources at his disposal. The right players, the right order, and it scored 12 runs.

Speaking of the lineup, this is somewhat interesting:

In the case of the catchers yesterday, the Pirates' brass studied video of their at-bats against Glavine -- Doumit was 1 for 6, Paulino 0 for 5 -- and determined that Doumit, who has shown better patience since the middle of last season, might fare better than Paulino, who has not handled Glavine's changeup and cutters well.

Holy crap. This is a gigantic improvement over the previous regime, who used advancements in modern computer technology to determine that Tike Redman would be the best possible option to hit third in the lineup.

- I didn't really start watching the game until about the sixth or seventh inning (I was watching the Penguins game, flipping to the baseball game during commercials and intermissions) and the first pitch I saw of the 2008 season was Jose Bautista hacking at ball four with runners on the corners. It wasn't a good start to the season for me. However, that was perhaps the worst moment of the night (at the plate) for the Pirates, as they showed a surprising amount of patience, working Tom Glavine and the rest of the Braves bullpen like dogs.

When Glavine checked out after the fifth inning he had already thrown over 90 pitches. As a team, the Braves threw 242 pitches in 12 innings (the Pirates, by comparison, hurled 195 pitches in 12 innings).

I like it. I like it a lot. I hope it continues. I doubt it will, but I hope it does.

- I want a ticket for the Nate Mclouth bandwagon.

- The double play Jack Wilson started in, I think the fifth or sixth inning, was simply dreamy. ESPN's Rob Neyer was doing a live chat during the games, and he remarked that he had never seen a player make that play before. He also said that Nate Mclouth was "a poor man's Ryan Church." I don't even know what that means, but it can't be much of a compliment because Ryan Church kind of...you know...isn't that good.

- The positive thing for Jason Bay is that he can't possibly play any worse than he did last night. 0-for-6 (with a walk) and a lot of ground balls pounded into the grass right in front of home plate, not to mention standing around as he watched the potential final out drop in front of him as the Braves circled bases in a conga line to tie the game.

- I can't decide who was worse last night: The Braves infield or the Pirates' bullpen. It was almost as if Rick Ankiel was the only pitcher in the Pirates' bullpen, while Chuck Knoblauch was simultaneously playing every infield position for the Braves. The fans sitting in the first ten rows of the infield box seats should have been given free batting helmets.